-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --

CG: IT'S ME AGAIN, ASSHOLE
CG: THE ONE WHO HATES YOU, REMEMBER?
CG: OR SHOULD I SAY FUTURE-REMEMBER???
EB: karkat!!!!!!!!!!
CG: AGAIN WITH KNOWING MY NAME
CG: IT'S REALLY FUCKING UNSETTLING WHEN YOU DO THAT.
CG: I WONDER HOW FAR BACK YOU KNOW IT
CG: I'M GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A SPECIAL POINT OF NOT BEING THE ONE TO TELL YOU, I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION.
EB: hey, shut up a second!
EB: i need you to be nice for a change and do me a favor...
EB: have you talked to jade recently?
EB: can you tell me what happened to her??
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS JADE.
EB: uh...
EB: hmm.
CG: JOHN, THE FACT THAT YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO THINK I CAN READ YOUR MIND JUST UNDERSCORES WHAT A HARROWING GODDAMN IDIOT YOU ARE.
EB: jade is the girl who i am pretty sure just entered our session.
EB: she is my client player.
CG: OH, YOU MEAN THE ONE WHO FUCKS EVERYTHING UP.
EB: um, yeah... i thought you knew that? you talked to her a bunch of times, apparently.
CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW THAT.
CG: THIS IS ONLY THE SECOND TIME I HAVE EVER TALKED TO A HUMAN.
CG: AND THE FIRST TIME, MUCH TO MY MIGRAINE COMPOUNDING REGRET, WAS WITH YOU.
EB: oh!
EB: ok, i see what is going on here.
EB: we are finally getting to our first couple of conversations. cool!
CG: NO, NOT "COOL".
CG: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE IS VERY MUCH ANTITHETICAL TO YOUR PRIMITIVE HUMAN NOTION OF "EARTH COOL".
CG: YOU SEE, IN OUR FIRST CONVERSATION, WE DIDN'T EXACTLY GET OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT.
CG: IT IS A FOOT WHICH SHOULD HAVE REEKED OF YOUR VERBAL RUINATION.
CG: BUT INSTEAD IT SMELLED LIKE
CG: WELL, LET'S NOT GET INTO THAT.
CG: I AM HERE TO DO WHAT YOU AND YOUR PATHETIC CADRE OF CO-HUMANS FAILED TO DO, WHICH IS SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.
CG: I AM HERE TO UTTERLY ANNIHILATE YOUR SHIT.
CG: I WILL STAY ON MESSAGE THIS TIME. I WILL NOT BE DETERRED BY YOUR GOOFY MANNERISMS AND YOUR ABSURD PENCHANT FOR REVELING IN SELF ABUSE.
CG: WE WILL GET OFF ON A FRESH FOOT, AND BY FRESH I MEAN MOST FOUL INDEED.
CG: ITS TOES ARE WIGGLING UNDER YOUR HIDEOUS PINK NOSTRILS. NOW BREATHE DEEP YOUR MISFORTUNE, YOU SAD LITTLE CLOWN.
CG: THIS IS THE END OF YOU. THAT AROMA YOU DETECT WAFTS FROM THE BOUQUET PERCHED ON YOUR CORPSE BOX.
CG: NOBODY CRIES, EXCEPT YOUR SHITTY GHOST. HEAVY SOBS FROM A SPECTER OF UNQUALIFIED FAILURE.
CG: IT IS A SYMPHONY TO MY ANGRY EARS.
EB: so... the smell is from a foot... but also from funeral flowers?
EB: this metaphor is confusing.
CG: STFU
CG: I'M ONLY GETTING STARTED.
EB: yeah, i know!
EB: this is all that big time trolling i was looking forward to.
EB: and it's pretty good so far, and ordinarily i would be excited to hear more...
CG: YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN???
CG: YOU ARE ACTUALLY ENJOYING THIS, WHAT A SICK FUCK.
EB: but i really am concerned about what happened with jade!
EB: my request for a favor still stands, even though this is early you, and you still think you hate me.
CG: DON'T QUESTION THE SINCERITY OF MY HATE, JUST DON'T EVEN FUCKING GO THERE.
EB: ok, fine! you hate me sooooo much, like, for real.
EB: can you just tell me what's up with jade?
EB: can you see her?
CG: YEAH I SEE HER
CG: IT'S MAKING ME MAD SEEING HER
EB: can you tell me what happened? what did she do that was so bad?
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA
CG: HERE I AM TALKING TO YOU MOMENTS AFTER YOU DID THE TERRIBLE THING, AND YOU STILL DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU DID!
CG: INCREDIBLE, YOU TRULY ARE DUMBER THAN I THOUGHT.
EB: ok!!! i'm an idiot! can you just tell me anyway????
EB: whoa...
CG: WHAT
EB: the ground is shaking...
EB: what's going on?
CG: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON.
CG: WHAT YOU FUCKING DID IS WHAT'S GOING ON.
EB: so tell me what i fucking did!!!
CG: OH, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING DID?
EB: yes!
EB: please, no more stalling or "i already told you's" or any other maddening nonsense!
EB: just...
EB: TELL ME!
CG: VERY WELL, JOHN HUMAN EGBERT.
CG: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID
CG: READY FOR ME TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID?
CG: HERE'S ME, TELLING YOU WHAT YOU DID
CG: OK, HERE GOES
CG: WHAT YOU DID IS AS FOLLOWS
CG: AS SUCH
CG: AND THUSLY
EB: :|