timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]
TT: Jake.
TT: It seems you are going to have to kiss me.
GT: What?????
GT: Dude what is going on...
GT: Is this... is this really dirks head???
GT: What happened to him!
TT: Dirk's dead, Jake.
TT: You have to bring him back to life.
GT: How?!
TT: I already told you.
TT: If you want Dirk to live.
TT: The odds that you are going to have to make out with this severed head are so high, I literally just confiscated their bong.
GT: Uhh.
TT: I refuse to believe my statement has left you unconvinced. The very notion is absurd. Now hurry up and kiss me.
TT: Chop chop.
GT: I dont understand!
GT: Are you saying i have to kiss him... like uh... on the lips... while you stare at me through his sunglasses like a weirdo??
TT: Yes.
GT: That doesnt make any sense!
GT: Can you actually tell me whats going on?! What happened to him?
TT: I told you, Jake.
TT: Dirk is dead.
TT: He is lying on the floor of Roxy's room, headless, four hundred and thirteen years in the future, while the universe is about to be destroyed.
TT: If you don't kiss me soon, he will be dead forever.
GT: So...
GT: If i kiss him his headless body will hop up and start prancing about or...
GT: Will he grow a new head???
TT: No. His dream self will take over as the new Dirk.
TT: But only if you hurry up and do it.
GT: But like...
GT: If hes dead in the future...
GT: How does kissing him NOW bring him back? How does that work?
TT: Yeah, great idea. Let's roll up our sleeves on nuanced metatemporal mechanics with the concussion-addled kid in micro-shorts.
TT: Leave the synchronization issues to me, ok?
TT: I have everything under control.
TT: Now pucker up.
GT: Wait...
GT: Are you behind these shenanigans?
GT: Did you plan this auto responder??????????